Why have I felt over the past 10 years or so that almost all my friends and loved ones are going away? Do I really have to keep making friends over and over and over again?
Am I too naive to believe that's how life really is?
These are likely rhetorical questions but I'll offer my thoughts/experiences anyway...
I don't think that this is how life always has been. It seems that our generation is more transient than ever with less obligation to stay close to family or the city we grew up in. I know that I personally have little sense of obligation to staying put, although as I get older, I do realize the value of being close to my friends and community more. For example, the option of moving to Portland carries slightly greater weight than Boston because I know several people in P but no people in B. Although I have no fears of meeting new people, I must also acknowledge how nice it is to have friends that already know you, even if you do add others to the mix. It's hard to know just how much those long-time friends mean to you until they move away.
But even as I look back on the past 8 years since I returned from DK, I have a few friends from my time before DK, but otherwise I've had a few different groups of friends throughout the years. This most recent group seems to be the most stable and long-standing, whereas others from, say, 5 years ago, have moved on or away with little communication since.
I think we are all codependent to some degree, and a healthy level of INTERdependence is necessary. It is important to be able to attach to others and subsequently miss them if they move away, but it is also important to be able to know how to maintain relationships across the distance as well as make new ones as transition happens.
What I find the hardest is to be the one that is left, rather than the one doing the leaving. This certainly depends on the type of relationship you have with the person leaving, but life changes so drastically for them while not much--except their absence, of course--changes for you.
Bottom line: it sucks, it's hard, it can be exciting, it can be healthy, it's often unavoidable.
3 comments:
These are likely rhetorical questions but I'll offer my thoughts/experiences anyway...
I don't think that this is how life always has been. It seems that our generation is more transient than ever with less obligation to stay close to family or the city we grew up in. I know that I personally have little sense of obligation to staying put, although as I get older, I do realize the value of being close to my friends and community more. For example, the option of moving to Portland carries slightly greater weight than Boston because I know several people in P but no people in B. Although I have no fears of meeting new people, I must also acknowledge how nice it is to have friends that already know you, even if you do add others to the mix. It's hard to know just how much those long-time friends mean to you until they move away.
But even as I look back on the past 8 years since I returned from DK, I have a few friends from my time before DK, but otherwise I've had a few different groups of friends throughout the years. This most recent group seems to be the most stable and long-standing, whereas others from, say, 5 years ago, have moved on or away with little communication since.
I think we are all codependent to some degree, and a healthy level of INTERdependence is necessary. It is important to be able to attach to others and subsequently miss them if they move away, but it is also important to be able to know how to maintain relationships across the distance as well as make new ones as transition happens.
What I find the hardest is to be the one that is left, rather than the one doing the leaving. This certainly depends on the type of relationship you have with the person leaving, but life changes so drastically for them while not much--except their absence, of course--changes for you.
Bottom line: it sucks, it's hard, it can be exciting, it can be healthy, it's often unavoidable.
It does suck and it is hard to deal with.
Off to therapy I go! Seriously. 3:30 today
Ah, therapy. Fun times! As hard as it can be, there is also something, uh, well, therapeutic about it. I hope you find it, uh, therapeutic.
:-)
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